


Can't be kept apart

by Drama_queen2016



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, Amnesia, Angst, Boys In Love, Confessions, Detective Castiel (Supernatural), FBI Agent Dean Winchester, Fluff, M/M, Sad
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-05
Updated: 2019-05-20
Packaged: 2019-10-04 16:37:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 4
Words: 12,942
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17308073
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Drama_queen2016/pseuds/Drama_queen2016
Summary: Right now rating is teen, but it may change in the future.This fic takes place in an alternate universe, where Castiel is the genius detective and Dean is the dashing FBI agent. They work together and have a strong partnership as well as friendship. Castiel is hopelessly pinning for his best friend, but does Dean feel the same way? Confessions take place, someone almost dies and ends up in the hospital, and confusion arises. Lets not forget the fact that now on top of everything else Castiel has amnesia and cannot remember the last month of his life.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you guys like it, I have more to this story if you wish to read it! Please comment and like.

Being alone. That was the last thought that ran through my confusing mind. That's what I was...alone. Forever and always. No one was here to love me or care for me, but then again did people ever do those things in the first place. People say they love you but before you know it you're cheated on or left. Left to be alone and abandoned.

If you ever asked anyone what they wanted most in the world everyone’s answers would vary. Some would say the most common; riches, fame, shelter, to matter, or to make a difference in the world. All those possible. For those who want to be rich, work. For the ones who want to be famous and be devoured in fame, express yourself and become successful. And for those who want to matter, show yourself and others that you do. Work for what you want, and you will achieve it.

Then there are the ones who share the one response that causes great pain, stress, depression, excitement, happiness, anger, selfishness, and greed. That one word that could cause someone's whole life to end. To have their own world and others around them to come tumbling down, like ruins falling apart after thousands of years. The word that many of us strive to obtain each day. And the one word that none of us can live without, if we did chaos would ensue. A bomb waiting for the final countdown, so it can finally serve its purpose...destruction.

Human life as we know it would become a different society all together. A society that was ran by fear, hope, sadness, desperation, rage, and other conflicting emotions that tear us apart on the inside. The only difference being that the new world would have no happiness, no safety. In one word meaning the world would be complete chaos, a war zone. The war that could not be defeated.

The four-letter word, LOVE. It’s simple, yet complex. It’s joy and heartbreak. Misery with a mixture of psychotic. The word, love, was the first word that came to me, while I laid on the ground. The cold hard asphalt underneath my cold trembling body. The blood pouring from my abdomen, sticky and warm while it trickled down my skin. Soaked through to the bone, then surrounded the outline of me. I waited for it to be over. I waited for the pitch-black darkness to overtake me. I waited for my name and memories to slowly fade away into just that—memories. That's what we all will become one day. People buried and put into the ground so we could rot away, captivated with others whose names are already forgotten. Bugs and other organisms helping us with the process of decomposing. Maybe we will be ashes sitting on a fireplace mantle or on a shelf in a ceramic urn.

Anyway, we leave this world, we all still leave the same way lost, and forgotten. Put into oblivion for people to ponder about. A simple conversation starting off with “Do you remember them.” “Who?” That's what we’re going to be addressed by...who. Our permanent name for when we are exterminated from this forsaken earth.

Feeling my mind become mumbled and examining every moment I could recall pass through like memories, I waited. I waited for oblivion, for death. I soon realized I wasn't afraid, I instead welcomed it. Both ideas feeling as if they would free me instead of trap me in a metaphoric box or end me. Making myself unknown to everyone who I meet, knew, or loved.

That stupid word again. They say when you are nearing or approaching death you see your whole life flash before your eyes. A few years ago, I would have laughed at the comment and stated that, the idea of that was impractical and scientifically impossible. Though now going numb I would rethink that statement in a heartbeat. Metaphorically speaking, since it is irrational to not take the proper time to analyze the question first. To not support your answer with hard proven facts. But now I know it is true, because It’s what I saw. I saw my past, present and possible future (if I did not make those mistakes that I for some reason kept repeating) before me.

My past filled with fear, struggle, abuse, and hatred. I was not loved or cared for during my pre-adolescent years. I was passed around from place to place, home to home. Passed around like candy or a new toy. The foster care system didn't do me any good just evil. I was abused physically and emotionally by all my foster parents. Some were worse than others. I was able to escape though, and I did. I escaped the torture and prison that was my life.

At eighteen I sat off on a journey to reclaim my life and start over with a new fresh start. I went to school in Boston and received my Bachelor’s in criminal justice and my doctorate in criminology. I moved to Los Angeles, California and started to work for the Los Angeles Police Department.

I was happy with the life I set up for myself. At the department I meet Charlie Bradbury. She was one of the Forensic Artists working there when I got hired on. She also had various degrees in computer science, making her one of the most skilled hackers in the United States. When I first meet her, I was taken back. I thought she was crazy and very irrational, although also quite talented and beautiful.

Her personality was strange and yet very refreshing. People would call her a free spirit, for some unknown odd reason. She loved drama and gossip, always mixing her personal life with her work. Her desk was always crowded with little figurines from different tv shows, which let me conclude that she was a giant nerd. At first, I was annoyed and aggravated by the unprofessional atmosphere, though soon came to love the way she made work even more enticing with the way she was.

Over the years we became very close and I got the pleasure of acknowledging her as my best friend. I never was close with people when I was little, moving around a lot made it practically impossible to achieve any relationships with my peers, that and my social awkwardness. While working with Charlie I also became well acquainted with one of the department’s agents or as Charlie referred to him, the brain. His name was Kevin Tran.

Like Charlie and I, Kevin held other doctorates in fields that helped when we worked on cases. Along the next few years of working with the two I became part of the “family” as they put it. I knew the idea was ridiculous but it felt nice to have even a metaphorical family to be a part of. To others though at the police department and with the interns, I became known as a soulless human being and was told I was heartless. That I was incapable of owning human emotions. I can't say I didn't believe them, because what they said happened to be true. That is no thanks to my traumatic childhood. After escaping hell, I realized I no longer had any reason to trust anyone. I became isolated and kept to myself and my work. 

Kevin and Charlie told me to ignore them and that they didn't get the pleasure of meeting me and getting to know and learn the real me like they did. I felt comfort in their words and statements, but they still didn't know me for who I really was. I had my metaphorically walls built up for a reason. My troubled childhood left scars, mentally and physically that I don't want anyone seeing. They are problems that should be fixed by me and me only. So, with every relationship I had it was purely physical with no emotions attached. It would be what Charlie called an “no string attached” relationship, whatever that means.

During my first three years of working with the LA police department, the director of the FBI, Bobby Singer, found Kevin’s, Charlie’s and my work to be excellent and quite fascinating. He felt that we would be a great asset to his team and wanted our help solving a case that his own team had difficultly working. This is when I meet Dean. Special Agent Dean Winchester, was an agent that worked with the Federal Bureau of Investigations for Los Angeles at the time.

When I first meet Dean, he was everything that I hated. Cocky was his middle name. When Director Singer told me, I was to work with Agent Winchester the only thought that screamed in my mind was “Hell No!”

The case was about a nineteen-year-old girl by the name of Haley Arlington. She had gone missing two years prior and a year later they found her body in a cabin outside of Los Angeles. Dean told me that he was the Agent that was assigned to her missing person's report, so when they found her body he got transferred over to the murder and victim’s unit to help solve Haley's case. The extreme cocky agent apparently knew who did it, but he wasn't able to capture him without my help. That was where he told me, he needed my team and me.

I remember him asking me if I knew the suspect, Dick Roman. Not being very acknowledged with famous people I told him curtly with a “No, never heard of him”. That was the first time I heard him laugh. The sound bursting from his windpipes out his mouth was hypnotic. Even though I didn't believe in love I fell deeply attached to it over the years. I couldn't deny he was very attracted with a well-built body structure and a prominent jawline. The first glimpse of him had my body building up with tension. Though I promised myself I would never let him hear those words.

In the end Agent Winchester caught Dick Roman, proving he was right about Roman murdering Haley. I also got the privilege of finding out that Dick Roman was a defense attorney for Washington D.C. He was convicted and received life in prison for his crime.

After our congratulations from the FBI Director and other FBI agents, and along with my team, Dean took me out for a drink at a local bar/restaurant called Wings. Apparently, the name of the bar was referring to angles, like in the biblical sense. The two owners were two veterans of one of the wars the U.S. had fought in Iraq, who swore the only thing that kept them alive was the angle who watched over them. It became the place we would go to celebrate after all our cases together.

After our first case together, Dean and Director Singer, who would later on scold me for not calling him Bobby, offered my team to become a liaison with theirs. We accepted and that started Dean and I’s journey together of being partners and turning that partnership into a friendship.

The more time me and Dean worked together and spent time outside of work the more we became inseparable. We had a close partnership and friendship that no one could pull apart. I fell in love with Dean Winchester during our second year of working together but was never able to tell him. He was always dating someone, and I was always in a no string attached relationship with some guy. Plus, it was pretty obvious that Dean Winchester was straight.

I still was not able to accept the terms of love and how love existed, because for me love was only a reaction of endorphins and hormones in the brain. I also wasn't willing to deteriorate my close partnership with Dean. I truly cared for him I was sure of it. I knew he wouldn't be able to love me, simply because he wasn’t attracted to men. I was not willing to jeopardize our friendship over something stupid like love.

I allowed myself to lay on the ground and go through the past six years of my life. The best years I have ever lived has been with Kevin, Charlie, and mostly Dean. They all have taught me valuable lessons with social situations through the years. I have learned much more than I thought I would ever between these three and I am going to miss them dearly.

I felt a tear slowly slip down my cheek and I knew I was close. I only wish I could all tell them bye once more and tell them how I have come to love them even if didn't think I would be able to. Before the darkness surrounded me and overtook my vision, I heard a faint noise coming from off in the distance. Someone was yelling...yelling for someone or something. Someone lost perhaps. If only someone knew I was out here by myself, looking for some trouble like always.

The voice was recognizable, though I can't tell from where because it was like a they were trying to whisper and shout at the same time. I listened more closely trying to pick out the syllables escaping whose ever mouth it was. As I listened more and concentrated, the word got closer. When I heard the word form from their lips, I realized instantly what was being said. The syllables were forming the word “Cas”. Cas as in Castiel and only one person calls me that...Dean.

“Dean!” I screamed as loud as I could. The sound only escaping as a silent whisper. That's when I knew my throat was dry and rough. Dean wouldn't be able to hear me unless he was close by.

“Cas! Castiel, where are you?!” I could hear the fear and panic in his voice. I could hear his words shake, if words could shake. “Cas? Cas are you out here?”

 

Hearing his panic and desperation I started to panic myself. All I wanted to do was see him and tell him I was okay. I wanted to wrap my arms around his body and his arms wrapped around my waist, our warm bodies flushed up against each other. That couldn't be because I was certainly not okay in fact I was the very opposite. But I still wanted all of it and more. I wanted to fall into his arms and convince him that I wasn't going anywhere that I was his for the taking. I wanted to shout to the world that I love him...but it’s not right. Telling him would mean crossing that line. That stupid damn line that society drew.

Shaking my head to clear my mind of my thoughts. I brought my hands to each side of my body. I still felt numb and my arms were starting to get incredibly heavy plus they are blanketed in the dark blood that covers me and the pavement. Trying my best to ignore the pain, I pushed harder on the asphalt. I needed him. I know it was wrong for me to need him but you’re not supposed to deny your heart, at least that is what Charlie keeps telling me. 

After struggling for what seemed to be hours I was able to get up. The weight of my body on my feet caused my knees to go weak. I could barely stand for a minute let alone walk for more than five. I fought through the excruciating pain, knowing this is most likely the last time I will see Dean. I knew better to move since I need medical attention but I just didn't give a damn no more. I wasn't going to waste my last few minutes doing nothing I was going to make them count.

With every step, my vision became more cloudy and dizzy. The gunshot wound was unbearable, and I cried out once more. “Dean! Dean, where are you?”

I heard footsteps again on the hard blacktop, he was near but not close enough to hear my faint scream/whisper. “Cas! Cas where the hell are you?” More panic and fear was all I heard from him, did he have any other emotions in a situation like this. My heart however wretched for his breaking.

“Dean, Dean I'm right here. Where are you?” With each word, my heart rate accelerated and my breath became shallow. That was it. I was going to die without  
telling him I love him.

It’s not like it was my place to tell him anyway. He had his heart locked away for someone else...Lisa. Lisa was Dean’s and he was hers. I don't know why I thought I  
could stand them together. I was kidding myself and trying to compartmentalize everything, but look where it got me. Shot in the abdomen and left to die in a ditch. Everyone told me not to hide my feelings and instead embrace them. That there was no point in running and hiding. I should have listened. I should have taken my chance, instead I ignored it time and time again.

My feet moved on their own as I kept to my thoughts. I was going to die alone, like I wanted, and the thought killed me. It killed me to not be surrounded by loved ones and it killed me that I wasn't going to see Dean one last time. My head started to spin and I leaned up to catch the wall, to only slip out from under my feet and come tumbling down once more onto the street.

I feel onto a piece of glass and it lodged itself between my third and fourth rib. The fall brought along a loud crashing sound. Surely Dean heard that. He must of, unless he gave up on me. He gave up looking for me and decided I was better off. Decided he was better off with Lisa than me. A tear escaped my eye and ran down my flushed cheek, leaving a trail of tear stains.

“Castiel!? Cas was that you.” He didn't leave, he didn't give up on me, he is here for me after all.


	2. Chapter 2

I looked up just in time to see his face, when I got a glimpse of him I couldn't help the smile that spread to my own. Seeing him and knowing he didn't leave me here, leave me here to die by myself, made the pain tolerable. A small grin ghosted his lips at the same time. I loved the fact that I could make him smile.

Dean was the first one to break his frozen, statue-like pose, and rush towards me, enveloping me in a death type grip. I hugged him back, not wanting to let go. He pulled his head off my shoulder and smiled down at me like a little kid. His eyes filled with no more sorrow but joy, adoration, and a look of overwhelming. If it wasn't for the gunshot wound and the bullet, which was most likely digging around inside of me right now, this man would be the death of me.

At this moment, I wanted to forget everything. I wanted to forget all the pain we had caused each other, all the physical pain I was in. Forget Lisa and forget the damn line and kiss him. I have dreamed for years how it would be to kiss Dean. I always imagined it would be beyond amazing and indescribable. His hands, one on my hip balancing me, and the other on my cheek, rough and yet smooth against my own skin. 

Dean let go of me after a few minutes of hesitation from both of us. Bringing his face closer to mine, his hand traveled down my side and made its way to my abdomen. This was it, my fantasies coming true, I was about to kiss the man I was in love with, desperately in love with. My partner, my best friend. My eyes fluttered close and my face moved towards his, but then something happened, causing my eyes to flick open very quickly.

Dean's hand jerked away from me as if he sat his hand down on a hot surface. Oh No! The bullet, the blood...my blood. My eyes searched his face to register any emotions. His face frozen in pure shock and terror and his eyes shimmered with agony. Great! No going back now, he knows and there is nothing he can do about it. My eyes felt heavy and my head started to pound loudly. This is it, its time.

 

I lowered my face not able to look into Dean's. I knew if I did I would cry and I can't cry, not now in front of him. I Castiel Novak, does not cry. I was jerked forward all of a sudden, losing my balance on my feet. I waited for the impact of the concrete but it never came. Dean was holding me even tighter than before and his arms were wrapping behind my knees to lift my feet off the ground. No! No, he can't pick me up and carry me, he won't even make it if he tried.

I found my voice, “What are you doing?”

His eyes found mine again. “What do you mean what am I doing? What does it look like I am doing, I am taking you to the...”

I cut him off not letting him continue any farther, I had to break it to him. I put my finger over his lips, while a silent tear rolled down my cheek. “No, you can't take me to the hospital. Sorry Dean but I am not allowing it.”

He put me down as I asked, walked back, and flinched as if I struck him. “What the hell are you talking about. Of course, I am taking you Cas! You have been shot and are bleeding I am not going to let you die.”

“That's why you cannot take me.” I breathed.

“What! That makes no sense what so ever. I am taking you, you're bleeding and have lost too much blood. It’s very obvious that you need medical assistance. So why the hell can I not?” Dean was shouting at me though at the same time pleading so I would let him take me.

Ugh this man didn't understand anything he is so stubborn. “Because Dean I wouldn't make it to the hospital. The bullet most likely hit my lung and there is no exit wound. I've been bleeding for at least ten minutes, and your right I have lost too much blood. I shouldn't be alive right now, but for some reason...”

He interrupted me. “No! You cannot say that. I, we can make it Cas. Okay we can make it to the hospital and you are going to be just fine. Now come on let’s go.” I could see the tears pouring from his beautiful green orbs.

“Dean did you not hear a single word that I just said. I am going to die no matter what the choice is. It is inevitable. It is going to happen and you can't stop it this time, not like you have in the past. I can't do anything, you can't do anything about it.” I took a breath trying to stop the ragging pattern of my own breathing. All this talking hurt and  
made me feel light headed and dizzy. My own eyes brimmed with tears. I tried to wipe them away, but they kept coming.

Why did it have to end like this? It would be a lot easier if I was alone. That's what I wanted—was it not. I wanted to be alone by myself. I never wanted anyone in my heart, but that's exactly what happened. Dean found his way into my heart and I was too late to realize it.

Dean didn't need me anymore he had his girlfriend Lisa. Lisa was in his heart not me. She was flawless and young...certainty not a cold hard agent like me. Trying to convince myself all these years I was incapable of love was one of the most pathetic and stupidest things I did.

Tears were now hot on my face as well as Dean's. This was it and Dean was torturing himself because there was nothing he could do to stop it this time.

“It's okay Dean. You will be all right. It was going to happen eventually.” I smiled at the end, hoping the humor would lift some of the dark-state off both of us, but it didn't seem to work.

“How can you say that? How can you just joke around about this? This.” He pointed his hands around and waved them around, gesturing about the moment we invested the night in. “is so not funny Castiel. You can't say your death won't mean anything to me. It will damn well mean everything to me Cas!” He stopped to take a deep breath then stood up.

He is leaving me. I knew it would happen I was a fool to think he would stay... “Don't you know how much you mean to me.” He spoke as if my earlier statement didn't faze him what so ever.

“Dean, I can be replaced as your partner. The Bureau will give you a new one. As for our friendship, it will always live on as long as you let it, metaphorically though of course. You are my best friend and have taught me more than I could ever learn from anyone else. You taught me how to read people, how to open up to people, how to socialize, and most importantly you taught me how to love.” That one word seemed to hit Dean hard in the gut, because he was crying harder than before.

Silence filled the period. Where we just sat there looking at each other as tears and sobs flooded the air. Then as it seemed like hours had past, he finally spoke. “You can't leave me Cas...Castiel you can't leave me behind and assume I will be all right without you in my life. I won't be. I am not supposed to lose you, I am supposed to protect you, so why can't I now. Cas you are not allowed to leave this world, or your friends, especially me.” What was he saying.

“Dean you have to leave.” It pained me to say it, but I can't die with the way he is staring at me. “Dean do you hear me you need to leave and go home to Lisa.”

“Wait what!” The look on his face read heartbreak and I knew exactly how he felt, but he wasn't changing my mind. “NO Castiel I am not leaving you like this, there is no chance in hell I would.”

How many times do I have to tell him. “You will not make it to the hospital remember. I am going to die...okay. Besides you staying here with me, is the best way  
to...”

“No!” He punctured the word like a knife punctures a balloon. The one syllable was loud and firm. “Do not finish that sentence you son of a bitch. How many times do I need and have to tell you?” Why can’t he just accept the fact, he should know by now that I am dying already.

“Dean...”

“I am not losing you do you hear me, I am not losing you. I am not leaving you here. Do you understand me, I can't leave you it’s too hard. I can't live without you in this world, if you don't exist anymore then there is no reason for me to exist. I wouldn't have a reason to live on.” He was on the verge of tears again.

“Dean, you can't say that of course you have a reason to live on...Lisa is your reason.” He tried interrupting me again but I held out my hand informing him I was not done with what I needed to say. “Lisa is a beautiful, wonderful, brilliant, sexy lawyer who happens to be your girlfriend and who loves you. You love her too because I have seen the way you look at her and the way she looks at you. To a blind person it would be obvious how much you two care for each other. You can't let my death destroy it. You most certainty have a reason to live on with your life. You’re going to make it without me and have the life you have always wanted. The white house with the picket fence, with a loving wife and kids. You’re going to get your dream, but you can't let her go.” I stopped talking instead pleaded him with my teary eyes to accept what I was saying.

“I don't want that dream. I don't want Lisa to have my kids or be my wife. Lisa doesn't feel me with the joy in my heart I feel every day. She doesn't haunt my dreams whether they are good or bad. Lisa isn't the one who drives me insane when we fight or when she talks and I can't understand a single word she is saying. Most importantly she is not the one I am so pathetically, uncontrollably, and undeniably in love with.” What was he talking about. Who else would Dean be in love with.

“Wait what. You told me you were in love with her, you told me that yesterday. When I asked if you were in love with her you said, and I quote, “She is the most amazing person in the world, and there is no one else in the world you could love more.” Now you’re telling me you are not in love with her. I am so confused I don't understand.” Dean you can't keep breaking my heart into tiny pieces. Silent tears escaped down both of our faces and onto the ground, where it mixed with the blood seeping out of my body.

“I know I told you that. I did it so I could move on and try to convince myself it was true. However, I can't do it anymore. I can't keep lying to myself and denying myself what I really feel. Cas, Castiel James Novak I am so in love with you it hurts to be one second away from you. I can't get you out of my head or my heart. I have loved you since the first day I had meet you at the stupid coffee cart you love so much. The first glimpse of you, took my breath away. I had never seen anyone so beautiful on the inside and out until you walked into my life. You’re the answer to all my problems Cas. I want your love, your kids, a white house and picket fence, the whole damn dream. I want it all with you.”

I was speechless. I had no idea Dean felt that way about me. I swore on my life, the man was straight. I wasn't able to think or act. The only thing I could picture was me giving him heartbreak and misery if we were together, like we both desired. I loved him so, but I knew I wasn't right for him, nothing good could come from us.

“Cas, please say something?!” I couldn't form a single word let alone a thought. “Castiel, you can't sit there and not say anything. Damn it Cas! Say something, anything.”

His face was making my chest ache and I couldn’t do anything to make it go away. I can't give him what he wants. I laid down, trying to catch my breath. My heartbeat was accelerating and on overdrive. The more I tried to catch my breath the harder it was for me to breathe.

I closed my eyes concentrating, trying to forget everything for at least a moment. Why wasn’t I dead yet? In the distance I heard Dean's feet move and pound against the pavement, but it soon stopped. “Cas?” His voice seemed far off but it wasn't since I could feel his presence right next to me. “Cas, are you okay?”

Did he ever stop worrying about me, no. He never stopped because he loved me. My brain didn't allow me to speak what was on my mind. My eyes wouldn't let me force them open, they were in fact heavy and it felt better to keep the closed.

 

“Promise me something Dean.” I found my voice and with the last words I had I was going to put all the emotion I was feeling into them.

I pictured Dean smiling and I felt him learn over me and take my hands in his. “Shit Castiel! Don't ever do that again you hear me.”

I shook my head in agreement. “Okay. Promise me something though.” I sounded like a small child.

“Anything.” The word was enough encouragement for me to continue.

“Don’t forget me. Don’t let me be forgotten by you. You are my best friend and I need you to keep me alive while I am in the box in a hole in the ground. You have taught me how to accept things that I wasn't able to before. You have taught me what is important in life. I have changed because of you. I would still be that same man who would compartmentalize everything if I never had the chance to have meet you. Lastly let your love for me...” I stopped what was I supposed to say?

Did I say let it live on or fade away. Did I tell him I love him too or tell him he needed to move on and forget. If I say that however I would be a hypocrite because I just told him not to forget me. “Let my love for you grow and evolve so you can share the feelings I have for you with someone else.” I brought my hand up and wiped away the stray tears. I didn't think I could cry anymore, but I tend to prove myself wrong these days.

“What!” Dean yelled. “You can't expect me to move on without you. My love for you can't stop or be replaced. I can't love anyone like how much I love you.” He stopped talking, or did I die. “Why do you think that Cas. You don't believe me but it is true. What do you mean your love for me? Do you love me Cas?” His hand gripped mine tighter.

Afraid I couldn't speak I nodded my head. Yes, I love you Dean. Before I knew it, Dean's lips cascaded down on mine in a deep passionate kiss. Our lips molded together pressing each other on. A low moan escaped my tight throat, which brought on a moan from Dean.

His tongue slid across my lips asking for entrance which I granted him. Soon enough our tongues were dancing and battling for dominance. It felt so right and wonderful kissing him. Why haven’t I done this before. We broke apart to catch what was left of our breathes, for me it was basically nothing.

Dean leaned forward again and pecked me on the lips. Then once on the forehead. This was a nice way to say goodbye to leave without any regrets. I lived my life to the fullest, even though I wish I could have more with Dean I was happy.

I could feel him lift me up into his arms and carry me most likely to the SUV. He was taking me to the hospital. I wanted to argue with him but I had no energy left to do so. “What no fight or argument to win.” He was mocking me.

That's when it happened… my world blacked out. I lost conscious and now it is only a matter of minutes until everything was over. The last thing I heard was Dean screaming my name over and over, begging me to wake up to open my eyes. Those beautiful eyes that he loved to gaze in to. I felt him lay me down into the back of the vehicle and the door slam shut. The last thing I heard Dean mutter was... “Don't leave me, I love you.” And I realized it wasn't a bad way to leave either.


	3. Chapter 3

Bright light surrounded me from every side of my body. Anywhere I looked the light followed. I couldn't escape it. Was this me dead, I am now just walking into the light to find it. Is everything I was told a lie? Was my hopes right? Is there really a God? Even if there was why is he forgiving me, I didn't fully accept his existence. I should have but I never did, I was told he did not exist. I should have known better, just because you cannot see it does not mean that it does not exist. Dean taught me that. Oh my god Dean, I need to see him again and tell him everything that I feel. The only thing troubling me is how can I be dead, I just left Dean not even four hours ago at the FBI building.

Beep, Beep, Beep. What the hell was that noise and where was it coming from? I pried my eyes open again and glanced around. Apparently, I was in a room that was covered in all white. To my left was a big machine, I looked closer and realized it was an oxygen ventilator. I was on an oxygen ventilator, why? What happened? To my right there was a bigger machine with more than enough tubes I would like to see. There was also a pulse-ox machine, I again was hooked up to

Okay so I must be in a hospital, well clearly, I am in a hospital where else would I be if I was hooked up to these stupid machines. I only had a numerous amount of tubes in my body and a few more Ives. My whole body was lined in patches, bandages, stitches, gauze, and god knows what else. Those were just the parts that I could see. I guess since I look like this I am doing fairly bad, though I cannot remember at all how this catastrophe seemed to happen.

Scanning the room, for about the fourteenth time, I could see I was alone. Did no one seem to bother to come a check up on me, while I have been in here. I was alone, the realization of that hurt my heart, metaphorically speaking. All my friends had more important things to worry about. A sudden urge hit my bladder, I had to pee, and now.  
I had no nurse or doctor around that I could see, so I was going to have to try this on my own.

 

I flung my legs around that way it would be a little easier to get off the bed. To the right of my bed it looked a little too crowded. Putting my hands on the side of me I pushed off the bed. My feet hit the ground. Then suddenly my strength seemed to be knocked out of me, as I collided with the cold floor. Grabbing the side of the bed, I caught myself in time before I got hurt again. I winced from the pain, the impact still harder than my body could handle. My arm and hand clutched at my stomach, the pain being unbearable. I must have pulled a stitch as my hospital gown started to show a red taint to it.

I fell fully to the ground giving up and feeling defeated. I had no energy left to even consider pulling myself off the floor and back into the uncomfortable bed. I could sleep on the floor I would prefer it anyway. No doctors or nurse around. No friends anywhere to help me. I was going to have to wait until someone came barging in to check on my condition.

Leaning my head back I thought hard to try remembering why and what put me in here. I hate hospitals and the sooner I remember the sooner I can leave and get back to my life of murders and dead bodies to examine. I concentrated hard but I could not come up with anything that would help me. My mind was completely blank, well almost completely blank, because technically speaking your mind can not be blank. You always have some thought running through your mind.

The last thing I could recall was leaving Agent Lawson and Dean at the FBI building so they could work on the case. Winchester had told me to run some of the lab results that we had found on the girl and her clothing. Kevin found some particulates on the clothing of the girl that we felt would be more than helpful to the case. Charlie was still trying to run weapon searches through her databases and calculating how much force would have been needed to crack the girl's ribs.

Before I left the museum to go meet them, Charlie found something else also pertaining to the case. Charlie had found a micro-chip on the victim’s wallet. I told her to send it over to Meg in the FBI so she could examine it. She however informed me that she already decoded the micro-chip and found what was on it. According to the documents it showed how the Russian mob was connected to Emily and her murder. It had more than enough information to help Dean win the case and take two or more members of the mob down. I again concluded that she should send the chip over to Dean, she thought that it would be easier for me to take it with me since I was on my way already to see him.

When I arrived, he looked more than pissed off. This case had been putting major stress on him and all of us. It was a harder case than usual, which was fine by me since I loved a challenge. For Dean though and the board of directors, it was becoming a pain in their asses. Especially since the Russian mob was somehow connected to everything. Dean still could not figure out how Emily Richardson could be connected to something as destructive and dangerous as them. She was a junior in college just trying to graduate and get her degree in Pre-Law, so she could go to law school. Her parents and her friends all said that she was an innocent girl and was always nice to everyone no matter the circumstances. No one could understand how Emily got wrapped up in a mob, especially one from Russia.

Anyhow Dean yelled at me as soon as I entered his office. He kept going on and on about the case and how we were getting nowhere with ending it. We had everyone trying their hardest in every possible way. I told him we would solve it and that Kevin had found some more particulates that could help us. He blew up yelling at me saying that it wouldn't help and that this was all useless. That nothing was going to go right and nothing was helping him put the stupid sons of bitches in jail where they belonged. I tried comforting him arguing that in fact the samples would help if he would just look at them.

I took a deep breath out and opened my mouth. I told him about the chip, and how Charlie uncovered more than enough information to connect the freaking mob and to put Emily's murderers in jail. I handed him the information and he replied with a curt “thank you.” I was tired of him pushing me away this past week. He was shutting me out as well as avoiding me and it began to piss me off. 

Nothing was helping and he started to pin everything on me. Telling me I shouldn't be on the case and I should not even be part of the FBI, something along the lines that it was too dangerous. I was not able to protect myself, that he was not able to have my back every single second of everyday. I shouted at him that everything he said was a bunch of bull shit. Before he came into my life, I was working on dangerous cases involving drug dealers and serial killers. He knew damn well that I could protect myself and did not need him to do the fucking job. 

I began to leave before anything else was said and caused more problems. I could not afford to lose Dean as my partner or as my friend. Under his breath I heard him mutter that I should stay in the department where I belonged. I spun back around almost knocking myself of balance. I once again yelled at him, arguing with him that it was unfair that he made the decisions for me, that maybe I should leave and have never been partners with him. I didn't mean to say it but it came out and for some reason it hurt that I couldn’t take it back.

I threw the documents on his desk and called him a ass butt. I never was good at coming up with insults on the spot. Screaming that he should get his head out of his ass and look at everything around him. Informing him that I could not be in anymore danger than I am with any other case. I was sick and tired of him and his controlling manner. I stormed out and slammed the door to a close on the way out of the room. The statement he threw at me stung and tore at my heart. Dean has been mad with me before but never so cold with me. We fight from time to time, but nothing has ever gone this far. When Dean realized what he said he ran out of the office apologizing. I was too busy hurting though, that I ignored him and walked on to the elevators not looking back.

The man drove me insane sometimes. At times, I do not even know how I can stand to be around him for more than a second. In the end though I love him. I knew he didn't love me back, but that didn't stop me for feeling the stupid emotions for him. The emotions that I still convinced myself did not exist. He had Lisa and I was not a woman.

The door to the room flew open and I was snapped away from my thoughts. Opening my eyes, I looked to it to see who it was. Dean stood there looking shocked, overwhelmed, worried, excited, depressed and more. Each emotion reflected perfectly in his eyes and on his face. There Dean stood in front of me with tears leaking from his bright green orbs. He never cries come to think of it I do not think I have ever seen him cry.

The cup of coffee held in his hands slipped and fell to the white marble floor. The contents of the mug slowly spilling from the mug creating a puddle of brown sticky liquid. I dropped my eyes to the ground staring confused at the mess. What just happened? Why is he so shocked to see me? I just saw him a few hours ago, did I not? Did I have amnesia that would explain why I do not remember ending up here.

It felt like hours passed before I unglued my eyes from the spill and gazed into Dean's orbs. We both stared at each other doing nothing and saying nothing. He stood in the door frame with his hand open like he was still holding the cup. Opening his mouth, I thought he was going to say something until he immediately closed it. I wish he would speak already, I want to know what is coursing through his mind.

I sat still on the ground gazing everywhere but at him. I was not able to look at him again...not for a while. The heartache I saw tore at my insides and I did not want to see it anymore. I could hear feet walking in my directions, his shoe putting emphasizes on each step he took. I want to look up but I knew if I did I would break. I had never seen him look so dispirited.

“Cas.” The nickname made me snap my head and I was no longer able to bare it any longer. I whipped my head and feasted upon his face, trying desperately to memorize the moment. Dean held out his hand, hesitating I grabbed it and immediately felt the tiny tingles rush to my core. Setting my stomach on fire, burning through me.

Did he feel it too? That's crazy to think, no way he did. Why would he, he has someone else to feel those crazy emotions for.

I gasped as Dean pulled me violently against his chest, wrapping his arms around me squeezing me hard. It reminded me of how a python wraps its body around its prey. His body heat radiated onto me, making me shiver. All I wanted was for him to hold me against himself and not let me go...ever. I can't think like that! I have no right to. Dean's heart belongs to someone else and I can't get in the way. I will not allow it. I most certainly will not be the cause of someone's break up. The fact that Lisa and Dean were together made me sick, having his arms around me only made me feel guilty. I did not need that right now.

When I pulled away he tried pulling me back towards him, he gave up soon enough since I only resisted. “Cas.” I ignore him. “Cas…Castiel.” His voice only grew louder with each endearment. “Castiel!” He shouted. I annoyed him, I could tell. He no longer had that longing look in his eyes, he was frustrated instead. “Please look at me.” I was no longer in the mood to but I knew if I did not conform I would get yelled at once again. 

“Hi.” It was all I could mutter. Out of all the things that I could pick to say, I choose the stupidest word of all, hi. I guess it could have been worse, it could have been a lot worse. 

I tried to speak, “I mean.”

“I am so glad that you are okay.” He interrupted. Yeah, I mean besides being hooked up to all of these machines and being in the hospital for who knows what reason, I am doing well. 

“Oh.”

“I did not think that I was ever going to see you again. I did not think I was going to see your beautiful eyes or your dazzling smile. I was terrified that I lost you for once and for all. Tears filled his eyes and were flowing silently down his red cheeks. Both his eyes were red and puffy. The bright green was no longer bright but dull.

“Dean, I just saw you a few hours ago.” I was really confused. “Why do you look like you haven’t seen me in weeks.”

“What no you didn't. I saw you a few hours ago but you clearly did not see me.” What?! How is the even possible...oh wait. Crap I did just wake up not even an hour ago, so that makes sense.

 

“Yes, okay that makes sense. But I have already seen you today. I left you at the FBI building with Agent Lawson. Do you not remember that, are you okay?”

It was his turn to look confused. “What are you talking about. I haven't seen you in weeks Cas. You did not just leave me at the FBI with Agent Lawson. We haven't seen Agent Lawson in a month now. The last time we saw her was when we were solving that case with the Russian mob...”

I quickly jumped in. “Yes, and Emily, do not forget Emily. That didn't happen a month ago I would remember if we solved that case, Dean. I'm not crazy okay. We didn't solve the case. The last thing that happened was our fight. We yelled at each other. In my opinion, you deserved it considering you have been pushing me away for the past few weeks and avoiding me. You were way out of line, when you told me that I did not belong in the FBI and that I should go back to my work as being a detective and stay there!” I was out of breath and I started to shake and shiver. It was so cold in here and here I am only in a night gown. OH MY GOD. I am so naked right now. I could feel the blush creep up my cheeks.

Dean's smile soon dropped from his face and a look of grievance took place. I could see his Adams apple move up and down. Yep that is the look he gets when he realizes that he has done something wrong. At least I could point it out for him. He is acting like nothing even happened when something important did happen. He walked over to me and slipped his jacket off his shoulders. Gently he wrapped it around my own body and placed me on his lap.

“Cas I am so sorry. I did not mean to hurt you. I feel like an idiot believe me in fact I even give you permission to call me whatever you want to my face.” He cracked a smile trying to lighten the mood. I smiled back, he knew I would give in since his smiles seem to be contagious. He became serious again. “I really am sorry Cas I should of never of said that. You belong with me. I would not be able to do this job without you by my side. I would never have been able to solve and take down so many murderers without your intelligence and your awesomeness. I need you more than you need me Castiel. I can't do anything without you. Can you accept my apology.”

How could I not after what he just said. That's the sweetest and most touching thing anyone has said to me before. I couldn't express what I wanted to say in words so I gently wrapped my arms around his mid-section, trying not to rip anymore stitches. I seemed eager and desperate but I couldn't care a less. Dean is my best friend and I cannot stay mad at him any longer. “Of course, you idiot I accept your apology. How could I not I lo...” Oh my gosh I I almost said that to him. No, he can’t know  
how I feel about him. It can’t happen between us, it wouldn't work out.

I felt his smile widen on my shoulder. His head was rested on my shoulder and mine in his neck. I breathed trying to capture the smell of him. He smelled so wonderful. “Ha ha ha very funny Cas. I am so not an idiot...okay I guess I am. What do you mean you can’t stay mad at me because you lo...? What were you going to say Cas?”

“Nothing I was going to say nothing why would I say anything. It’s not important just forget it. Okay? Okay.” Breathe Castiel don't act so stupid it’s only Dean, Dean your amazing gorgeous partner who you are so in love with. I cracked a smile at him and he smirked back at me.

“What?” I asked after a while. All he did was sit there and stare at me, like he was trying to memorize every inch of my face and every curve. “Why are you staring at me?”

“I'm sorry. I just missed you so much, I never thought I was going to see you again. You terrified me.”

“You already said that. I just don't understand how you missed me when we saw each other earlier. Besides you can never lose me.” I grabbed his hand and squeezed it.

He squeezed back. “You still don't get it, do you? I haven't seen you in two weeks. You have been in a coma. The conversation that you seem to remember quite well might I add, happened almost a month ago.”

“Wait what? I have been in a coma.” He shook his head yes. “For two weeks?” He confirmed it again with another shake of his head.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please read and comment. I have more written for this story, but I am not sure if anyone would be interested in reading it.

(Dean's POV) 

How can he not remember at all what happened. Why does he not remember how he ended up here? And how come the last thing he remembers is that damn stupid conversation that we had? It’s bad enough that it took me forever to get him to forgive me the first time. At least this time it didn't take as long, even though I had to be reminded of that terrible thing I said and the terrible regret I had.

“Castiel so how come you don't remember at all how you ended up in the hospital? It’s not like you to have forgotten something like that.” I just didn't understand.

“Well I guess that I have developed short term amnesia or something which explains everything. It explains how I don't remember getting injured, it explains why I can't remember solving the case, and it explains why...” Before he could continue the doctor came in.

“Hello Mr. Novak, I'm Dr. Graham. I'm the one who has been keeping status update on your condition.”

“Dr. Novak.” I heard Castiel mumble which cause a fat grin to appear on my face. Let it be known that the police officer who holds several doctorates, often tells people to refer to him as a doctor.

“I'm sorry what was that Mr. Novak.” Apparently, I was the only one who caught what Cas said. My amusement grew at the confusion of Dr. Graham. I already meet her when my Cas was in surgery, I mean when Cas was in surgery. Right because he is not mine to claim. Hell, he is mine. He just doesn't remember the passionate kiss or should I say kisses we shared the night I watched him bleed out from a stupid shot to the chest.

“It's Dr. Novak, Dr. Graham. That is if you don't mind. I have a P.H.D. just like you and I don't want to be underestimated of what I am capable of.” I tried to hide my best at the smirk slowly forming from my lips. I love it when Cas makes everyone around not forget that he is capable of doing more than most. Yes, I am not as smart as him actually nowhere near his level, but somehow, he makes me feel like I can do more than I can.

 

“Of course, Dr. Novak. I am aware of your capability and what you do with the FBI. I read about your successes in the newspapers and online.” She smiled at Castiel even though she seemed at that minute like she wanted to strangle him. Cas has that impression on everyone.

It was my turn to talk or all that would be happening is a war over who is the best doctor and who has more doctorates. “Ahem.” I cleared my throat, trying to get the doctors attention, instead of having a glaring contest between the two. “Dr. Graham if I may ask, have you had any results come back from the multiple test you and the nurses took.” I didn't know the exact word for what they were all called, so test seemed like the perfect word to use.

She pulled out her chart and started to look over the tiny scribbled handwriting on the sheets of paper and forms. “Yes, Agent Winchester.” She gave me a smile that screamed flirt. Cas must of saw the smile, because in the next few seconds he sent me one that took my breath away. He then turned and started daggers into the back of Dr. Graham's head. Is he jealous? No of course not, not Castiel, but then again, he did tell me he loves me. He just doesn't remember that discussion. This is going to be torture.

“Mr., I mean Dr. Novak had some abnormalities show up on his MRI. I want to further exam what may have been the cause of the brain bleed he had inflicted from his injury. His lung has shown some impressive recovery and if everything continues to look well over the next week he will not need a lung transplant. As you were told before Agent Winchester, we did remove the bullet that was lodged in his lung. We were also able to repair extensive damage around his heart. From the looks of everything he should be fine and ready to go home by the end of the week.” How can someone talk that long without running out of breath. At least she converted the Dr. language down into more simpler English. But fine, I am basically aware that he is not fine. He doesn't remember the past month of her life.

“Brain bleed...” I was really confused, I don't remember him hitting his head unless he did it when he was shot. Dr. Graham was about to reply when Cas beat her to it.

“Yes, Dean it means I have blood in my brain, I must have hit my head or something, hard enough or had a seizure to cause blood to seep into my brain.” Seriously did he just talk to me like I don’t understand what that means. I am perfectly aware of what a brain bleed is, thank you.

 

“I know what a brain bleed is Cas, I'm just confused to how it happened.” This time I directed my question to Dr. Graham pleading with my eyes that she tells me. I know from experience that Cas will tell me what she just did, acting like I didn't understand how it happens, when it’s obvious he just told me.

“Yes of course. Umm it could have possibly happened when he was shot in the chest. Some patients when shot they have seizures, which could be a possibility here with Dr. Novak. Or the other possibility could be that he was standing up when he was shot and the impact of the bullet could have caused him to fall back and hit his head hard enough, that it caused the brain bleed. The only way to know for sure is if Dr. Novak tells us himself.” The last statement she directed towards Castiel.

Cas just looked at her confused, like he was expecting Dr. Graham to tell him how the brain bleed appeared. “Umm...yes I can't tell you how it happened, because I don't even remember being shot by a bullet that supposedly pierced the tissue of my lung. Which in reaction caused the projected object to dislodge in my lung causing me to collapse and bleed to death.”

I searched Dr. Graham's face looking for any reaction to the news Cas just shared. Instead of the same confused looked shared by Cas, Dr. Graham wore a look of understanding. “Dr. Novak can you tell me the name of the President of the United States please?”

“Umm yes Dr. Graham its George W. Bush. Any more questions you would like to ask me.”

“Yes, in fact I would like to Dr. Novak. Can you tell me what year it is?”

“It is the year 2007.”

“Correct Dr. Novak, now can you tell me the month and day.”

“Of course, its July 15th.” Cas looked very confident in his answer. I on the other hand was dreading the next response given to Castiel. He is going to be more than shocked when Dr. Graham informs him that it is not July 15th but in fact August the 18th.

“I'm sorry unfortunately that is not correct, its August the 18th Dr. Novak. It seems to me that you have short term amnesia.”

“Oh okay, thank you Dr. Graham.” Cas seemed detached from his voice. I could see the wheels in his head turning while he tried to figure out how this was  
exactly possible.

“Dr. Novak you do know that you are missing a whole month of your memory right. You’re going to have to go through physical therapy for some of your injuries, and when you are discharged you will have to be supervised from someone in your care. I would not take this lightly. Yes, it’s not a big gap in your memory Dr. Novak, but it is not a good sign either. You had a traumatic experience and that is not something you come easily back from. Dr. Novak do you understand what I am saying?”

I just watched as Cas started to soak in all the information that he was being given, and just like he always does he pushed through it like it wasn't a big deal to him. It seemed to take him a few minutes longer than normal to reply. “Yes Dr. Graham I understand perfectly clear. I understand that I am missing a month of my life I will never get back, even though its bad, it could be a lot worse. I could have woken up and be missing years of memories.” He stopped to take a breath and pause. I can't imagine Cas missing years of his life, what if it was so bad that she didn't know who Kevin and Charlie was? What if he didn't remember me? I couldn't live in a world where he didn't know me. “I can assure you Dr. Graham that I will be able to get through this and when I am discharged I will have one of my friends there to help me through the way. Now if you don't mind Dr. Graham I would like to have some time to myself right now.”

“Dr. Novak have all the time you need. I will be back in a little while to see how you are doing and take your vitals.

I watched as Cas got up from the bed and paced back and forth in the confined area he could, without tearing his stitches or ripping the tubes from his body. Even with the bandages, stitches, most likely soon to become scars, and the little canal that supplied him oxygen over his nose, he looks as amazing as ever. Then he would look amazing in whatever state he was in. If he was wearing a garbage bag he would be the most gorgeous man I have ever laid my eyes upon. I don't know how I am going to survive this recovery. Every time I look at him I want to kiss him over and over. I want to tell him I love him and only him. 

After a few days in the hospital Lisa came by to give me fresh clothes and to check up on me and Cas. She told me that she was sorry that Castiel was in the hospital but how I should come home and leave for a while. That's when I snapped at her...

“Dean, I understand that your worried for Castiel but don't you need to come home.” She sounded so demanding. “I'm really sorry that this happened to him, but he is not the only one who needs you right now.” I scoffed at her comment.

“Lisa, I am well aware of how much I am worried about Cas, but no I am not coming home until I know I can leave him here by himself.” I was so angry that she thought I would leave my best friend here after I witnessed him almost die.

“Dean seriously he has a whole building of nurses and doctors that are looking after him. This is the safest place that he can be right now!” Her voice became louder with each word. “I think it’s more than safe to say that you can leave and come home for a day or two and spend some time with me. I need you too Dean.” It was silent for a few seconds before I heard her mumble under her breathe, “I'm the one who is waiting for you, not someone stuck in a bed most likely never to wake up.”

“Excuse me! What was that Lisa. You don't know what it’s like okay. You were not there. You didn't watch your best friend bleed out in your arms. You didn't see him covered in his own blood from head to toe. You were not the one sitting in the waiting room chair with his two other best friends, fearing that you were never going to see his beautiful face again or hear his angelic voice. You were not the one who watched him die in the back seat of your car and couldn't do anything to stop it.” I breathed in deep. There is so much more that I could say, but in the middle of it I realized I was pushing all my anger onto Lisa. It wasn't her fault that Cas was in the hospital hanging on, while I prayed to God that he would let him wake up. That I can tell Cas I love him one last time.

“I'm sorry Lisa that was unfair of me. I shouldn't have said all of that to you. You don't deserve to be yelled at, I am just so angry right now that I pushed everything onto you.”

“Your right Dean you shouldn’t have done that, but I can see why you did.” She took my hand in hers and leaned over to kiss my cheek. “I am going to go and pack my things. I will leave the key under the mat.”

Wait what she’s leaving? I guess I can't blame her, I don't feel for her the way I feel for Cas anyway. I'm in love with Cas and I have been seen the day I meet him. I knew from the beginning that I would spend the rest of my life with him. That night when he told me he loved me too I knew that we were going to make it. It was going to be okay and I wasn't going to lose him, until I did. Though when the doctor came out and told Charlie, Kevin, and I that he was in the Intensive Care Unit recovering, I almost feel to my knees and cried. That moment I knew that I was going to see him again and I was going to get to tell him I love him.

But when I walked into the ICU room he was in, my heart launched out of my chest. I gazed upon his body as he was covered in bandages and stitches. He had a oxygen mask on his mouth and nose. He had multiple tubes running from his body into a huge machine and Ives running from both of his hands, which were hooked up to multiple bags that held medicine and his blood. The nurse that was in there informed me that Cas was in a coma and that she was sorry for there was a chance that he would not wake up. In those two minutes, I fell to the ground, grabbed Castiel's hand, and prayed to God once more that he would come through this. I prayed that he would let me see his beautiful blue eyes once more. For a world without Castiel is a world that I do not want to live in.

“I am really sorry Lisa. I understand if your mad at me and don't want to see me anymore.” That's all I could say now because I felt defeated for so many reasons.

“I am not mad Dean, I am happy that you finally came to your senses and realized that you’re in love with Castiel.” That was not at all what I had expected to hear from her.

“How...how do you know?”

“You mean how do I know you’re in love with Cas?” I shook my head yes. “I guess I knew the first time you introduced me to him. I could tell from the way you looked at him, you had never looked at me that way and you don't ever look at me that way. When I first thought that you were, I hoped that it was nothing just like a brotherly type of bond, but after a while my suspicion grew. All the time I spent with Cas made it seem more real. I can tell he loves you too, even if he tries to ignore it and convince himself it’s not true. I just hope that he wakes up and you two can have the life you both deserve.”

I started to cry as I watched Lisa give her big speech. I guess I never realized how different I looked at Cas compared to Lisa. It must have been like an automatic reaction, I was so used to it. I enveloped Lisa into a hug as we said our goodbyes. Then I watched her walk down the hallway. A few hours later I received a text that said that she had everything packed and was headed off to Washington for a job interview. I told her thank you one last time and that was the last I heard from her.

A loud bang brought me back from my flashback. I looked towards the bed to see Cas throwing his shoes at the door of the bathroom. He wore a look of frustration and anger. He was panting and I could see his mind race a hundred miles an hour. I walked quickly over to Cas to see if I could calm him down. I placed my hand on his shoulder and he turned around to look into my eyes. I saw something break while I gazed into Cas’s blue orbs. Like a bullet I felt him lay his head on my chest. I walked backwards to his bed and sat down, pulling him onto my lap. He laid his head on my  
shoulder as my own head rested on top of his. I rubbed my hands up and down Cas’s spine to get him to calm down. Instead I just watched him cry himself to sleep as I whispered silent comforting words into his short ruffled black hair.

While he slept for a few hours I never left his side. I curled up with him on the bed. Resting beside him as he nestled himself perfectly into my chest and neck. My arms draped gently around his waist. Before I knew I fell asleep along beside him.

 

About three hours later I woke up. I had to take a breather to remember exactly where I was. It all came back to me. When I came in earlier today and saw Cas awake, when Dr. Graham told him he had short-term amnesia, when he cried himself to sleep because he felt so defeated. I opened my eyes to see Cas's already open and staring at my face. For a couple of minutes, I allowed myself to bask in the moment because there is not a lot of moments like this to remember. It seemed like for hours until either one of us said something. “Hello.” I smirked at him, that was the first thing he said this morning to me after two weeks.

“Hello.” I let my eyes linger to his mouth then snapped them up to his eyes to see his bright dazzling smile. It wasn’t like the ones Cas shared this morning with me, it was one of the pre-accident smiles that I got to enjoy so many times. “How are you feeling?” He also worried about me even when he was the one that was not okay.

“Amazing now that you are here with me.” His smile faltered and he gasped. Cas’s eyes went wide and he opened his mouth, my guess was he was trying to take it back. He most likely thought it was too intimate, because he doesn't know Lisa and I broke up. I need to tell him that. I wonder what he will say, considering he doesn't remember our conversation from that night of his shooting. He doesn't remember me telling him I love him and that he told me he loved me back.

Before he could say anything to take it back I jumped in. “That's good. No, you can't take what you said back.”

“How did you know I was going to take it back?” He questioned.

“Because I know you better than myself. Even if you try to hide everything from  
me. Cas you’re my best friend I know you more than you know yourself. Don't say that that is not possible because it is.” I expected every rational answer and not the answer I got back.

He smiled widely before he stated, “I know because I feel like I know you more than I know myself.” He leaned back and closed his eyes. Is it just me or was this our first sort of romantic moment. I wonder if he is remembering something from the past month.


End file.
